Barry Michels

Inspiring you to live life in forward motion

Barry Michels has a BA from Harvard, a law degree from University of California, Berkeley, and an MSW from the University of Southern California. He has been in private practice as a psychotherapist since 1986.

PhilosophersNotes on Barry Michels's Books All PhilosophersNotes

Coming Alive

4 Tools to Defeat Your Inner Enemy, Ignite Creative Expression & Unleash Your Soul’s Potential

by Barry Michels, Phil Stutz

I’m a HUGE fan of Phil and Barry's first book, The Tools. Coming Alive is kinda like The Tools Part 2. In this book, we get four new tools to go along with the original five tools. Big Ideas we explore include how to connect to our Life Force, defeat Part X (their name for that part of each of us that gets in the way), build our confidence and learn to see problems as gifts as we live a GREAT life.

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Confidence & Optimal Living & Self-Image

courage Top 101

The Tools

Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity

by Barry Michels, Phil Stutz

The Tools. This was easily the best book I read in 2012. It's *packed* with goodness. Stutz and Michels are two no-nonsense therapists who developed powerful tools to transform our problems into courage, confidence, and creativity. In this Note, we'll take a quick peek at how to put these powerful tools to work to creat real change in our lives.

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Peak Performance & Self-Image & Willpower

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Your Infinite Potential
#4

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And Where to Find It

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels wrote a great book called The Tools. There are five Tools in the book and we may chat about others later but I want to focus on the first for now. Phil and Barry tell us that most people like to live within their comfort zones. Why is that? We...

+1 inspired by Note: The Tools

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Antifragility & Spartan Training

courage dissatisfied Grit mental training omms soul Spirit toughness

Grateful Flow
#25

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The Antidote to Ick Sauce

In our last +1, we chatted about the scientifically-proven power of gratitude: Simply writing down 5 things you’re grateful for can boost your happiness up to 25%. (Wow.) Here’s another way to practice the magic of gratitude right in the moment when you need it most. The Tool...

+1 inspired by Note: The Tools

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Conquering Depression & Positive Psychology

Awareness Breathe Gratitude Happiness Heart micro-moment sad science Science of Mind self-awareness Spirit tool

Emotional Stamina
#28

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What to Do When You’re Having a Rough Day

What do you do when you’re having a rough day? Maybe it starts the moment you wake up and you just don’t feel like doing your normal things? Or maybe it kicks in a little later in the day after a disappointment. Things aren’t going your way. What do you do? Well, here’s ...

+1 inspired by Note: The Tools

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Antifragility & Habits

Body commitment committed failure Fundamentals Mind omms

Active Love
#32

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How to Get Out of a Mental Maze When Someone’s Annoying You

Here’s another really powerful tool from The Tools guys, Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. Use this tool whenever you find yourself in one of those not-so-pleasant mental loops about someone who annoyed you. They call that being stuck in “the Maze.” Not a good place to ...

+1 inspired by Note: The Tools

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Connection & Love

Anger Awareness Breathe Heart Spirit tool

Speed Is a Force
#54

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The Force Is with You - Use It Wisely

The very first thing Phil Stutz taught me in our very first session together was the fact that Speed Is a Force. He told me that the longer we wait between feeling inspired to do something and actually doing it, the more...

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Confidence & Conquering Procrastination

action baby steps courage Mind overwhelmed success tool

Dust
#77

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A Secret Tool to Master Non-Attachment

Let’s chat about something called “Dust.” It’s a secret tool I recently learned from Phil Stutz. Basic context: Remember Apollo, our patron god of philosophy

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Peak Performance & Stoicism

all-in commitment focus mental training Mind Power process target tool unproductive

Turning Around Glitches
#97

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What True Confidence Looks Like and How to Build It

True confidence doesn’t come from thinking everything will always go perfectly. That’s crazy. In fact, as

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Antifragility & Confidence

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Reverse Indicators
#106

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How to Interpret Your Encounters with Dragons

So, let’s say you’ve decided to embark on a heroic quest. It’s time for you to leave the normal, routine life and really go for it—stretching yourself to dare greatly and do what you’re here to do. (GOOD DECISION!!!) Now, every good hero’s journey has some pretty epic dragon-...

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Antifragility & Confidence

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Being Exonerated
#109

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Is NEVER Going to Happen (Sorry to Break the News!)

In our last +1, I casually mentioned the fact that our heroic reframing of challenges is something we will work on forever. Yes, I literally meant F O R E V E R. Q: “But, that’s such a very long time. Surely, I’ll get to a point where I’ve figured it all out and will be exonerate...

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Conquering Perfectionism & Optimal Living

Choice commitment Discipline greatness Inspiration Mind persistence Practice success

Thinking vs. Doing
#180

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Lessons from a Beach Ball

In one of my coaching sessions with Phil Stutz he told me to write something down. (He often does that. 😃) He said, “Draw a horizontal line. Above that line, put ‘Thinking Space.’ Below the line, put ‘Work Space.’” ...

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Conquering Procrastination

action baby steps Conquering Procrastination Hustle Mind productivity success tool

Death Cookies
#192

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Fuel for the Journey to Your Infinite Potential

Continuing our theme of how to become Antifragile Heroes, let’s look at another way to rock it. A couple +1s ago we talked about “Approach vs. Avoidance.” As we discussed, science says that the healthiest among us APPROACH rather...

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Antifragility & Conquering Anxiety

antifragility courage greatness Growth Mental Toughness soul Spirit tool

Death at the Crossroads
#202

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How to Create a Calm, Confident, Purpose-Driven, Enthusiastic Life

Here’s another gem from my coach and Honorary Godfather, Phil Stutz. Phil tells us that when we come to a Crossroads—a point in our lives when we need to make a choice between two or more options—we’ve gotta realize that we need ...

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Antifragility & Confidence

antifragility confidence courage Mental Toughness persistence soul Spirit Strategy tool

Utter Commitment, Psychology Of
#241

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The Power of Focusing Your Life Force

The other day, Phil Stutz and I were chatting about the power of going ALL IN on ONE thing. We talked about how hard it is to do but how powerful it is once we do it. Phil told me there’s something special about what he called “the psychology of utter commitment.” The Psycholog...

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Purpose

commitment focus purpose soul Spirit Wisdom

Your Dreamer + Your Doer
#253

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How to Build Your Confidence: Have Both in Mind Today

In my interview with Barry Michels about the great book he wrote with Phil Stutz called Coming Alive, we talked about a bunch of things....

+1 inspired by Note: Coming Alive

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Confidence

action confidence Eudaimonia Mental Toughness soul Spirit tool Vision

Just a Drop
#301

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Little by Little We Fill Our OptiPot

In one of our coaching sessions, Phil suggested I add “Just a drop” more energy to a certain aspect of my life. Just a drop. Not a tsunami of energy. Not even a little bucket. Just a drop. No big deal. Just a drop

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Conquering Perfectionism & Optimal Living

baby steps Buddhism compound Mind Philosophy Wisdom

Quantum Optimizing
#317

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Big Things Come Through the Little Things

In Coming Alive, Barry Michels and Phil Stutz say that if we want to tap into the Life Force that will empower us to reach our infinite potential, we’ve gotta focus on the ...

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Connection & Optimal Living

action Areté baby steps relationships soul Spirit

Endlessly Evolving Process
#369

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The Essence of a Good Life

In our last +1, we talked about zero-based thinking and reflected on the powerful question of asking ourselves whether, knowing what we now know, we’d have started doing some of the things we’re doing. To pull that dynamic ...

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Conquering Perfectionism & Purpose

baby steps big-picture Growth persistence soul Spirit

Antifragile Affirmactions
#428

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How to Use Micro-Moments of Frustration to Grow

Today we’re going to have some fun mapping out how to use micro-moments of frustration to catalyze the next-best version of you, antifragile style. We’re going to call the whole process “antifragile affirmactions.” We’ll start by identifying some little thing that might current...

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Antifragility & Fatherhood

action antifragility Character Fatherhood Mental Toughness Mind Parenting

The Principle of Correction
#434

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Think: Needs Work for Mis-takes

In our last +1, we talked about Phil Stutz’s idea on Unilaterality. Recall: To act unilaterally is to take action independent of anyone else doing anything. Apply i...

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Conquering Perfectionism & Self-Image

Compassion equanimity Growth Happiness Mind tool

When Things Go Wrong
#471

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Appreciate How Rarely They Do (Optimizade Style)

I got up this morning even earlier than I usually do—fired up to start hammering some +1s to hit a fun milestone. So… I go through my morning ritual for the x thousandth time—meditation, movement. Done. Supplements in? Yep. Little Tian Chi energy dr...

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Antifragility & Conquering Anxiety

antifragility conquering-anxiety equanimity Gratitude Mental Toughness Mind technology

Gravity, Dark Energy and YOU
#501

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Plus: Contraction, Expansion, Entropy and Syntropy

The other (Mon)day, my Yoda and I were having our normal 3:00pm session. We were chatting about growing Optimize and some exciting stuff that’s been bubbling up. Then Phil compared our growth opportunities to the inherent dynami...

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Purpose & Self-Image

Actualization big-picture Growth purpose self-image soul Spirit

Collecting Turnarounds
#502

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At the Speed of the Universe

In our last +1, we talked about my Yoda schooling me on how to apply dark energy to my life by aligning with that Force that’s driving the expansion of the Universe at a mind-exploding velocity. Today we’re going to talk about another facet of that chat—which is really the essence of all ...

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Antifragility & Confidence

Actualization antifragility confidence equanimity Growth Mental Toughness Mind tool

You and Houdini
#542

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Slipping Out of Psychological Knots

According to Wikipedia, Harry Houdini “was a Hungarian-born American illusionist and stunt performer, noted for his sensational escape acts.” According to my coach Phil Stutz, we want to be like him when we find ours...

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Antifragility & Conquering Perfectionism

antifragility conquering-perfectionism Grit Growth Inspiration Mental Toughness Mind mis-take

Soul Force
#576

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How’s Yours?

The other day in one of our coaching sessions, Phil and I talked about “soul force.” We arrived at that powerful phrase via a very mundane question related to the keynote I was giving later that month. I literally never do “talks” so… “To PowerPoint or not to PowerPoint?” <- Th...

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Modern Hērō & Purpose

Actualization Areté big-picture Eudaimonia modern-hero purpose soul Spirit

How to Use Our Optimizing Tools
#598

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Hint: Practice THE MOMENT You Need It

A little while back, we talked about the keynote talk I was getting ready to present (as part of the Pritzker Group Venture Capital’s annual event for the 60+ portfolio CEOs). Today I’d like to give a quick update on how it went and then talk about how I dealt with my nerves leading up to it—wit...

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Confidence & Speaking

action Areté confidence courage Mental Toughness Mind Speaking

EXPECT the Occasional Darkness
#667

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<- A Key Way to Deal with It

In our last +1, we talked about the fact that although the light will always shine when you flip the switch there will almost certainly be some dust and cobwebs to clean up if your life-room has been dark for a long time. Again: It is what it is. Let’s capitalize the lessons learned and get t...

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Conquering Perfectionism & Greatest Year Ever

big-picture Compassion conquering-perfectionism en-theos greatest-year-ever Needs Work soul Spirit

Emotional Stamina - Part 2
#668

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Execute Protocol: The Worse You Feel AND the Better You Feel

The other day, Phil and I were celebrating some Optimize goodness including exciting opportunities on the Social side of things (!) and the fact that over 400 Coaches signed up in the first week (yay!). Phil said: “You’ve found your niche in the Universe—and that’s a big deal!!!” ...

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Algorithms & Energy

algorithms big-picture emotional-stamina Energy Fundamentals Mind Systems

Three Forms of Discipline
#669

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Yoda Says: 1. Reactive + 2. Structural + 3. Expansive

In our last +1, we talked about the two facets of Emotional Stamina. Recall: The WORSE you feel, the MORE committed you are to your protocol. AND… The BETTER you feel, the MORE committed you are to your protocol!!! Take an iron to those up/down wrinkles—make the highs sustainably hig...

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Energy & Energy & Greatest Year Ever

big-picture courage Discipline Energy Fundamentals greatest-year-ever soul Spirit

Fear Doors - Part I
#696

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Walked Through Any Lately?

Revisiting our Conquering Fear discussion, Today I’d like to talk about something I’m calling “Fear Doors.” I want to talk about the fact that (at least some of) your greatest (!) achievements—the stuff that has made you most proud and most positively impacted your life—cam...

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Conquering Fear & Conquering Perfectionism

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Fear Doors - Part II
#697

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The Really Scary Thing About Them

In our last +1, we talked about Fear Doors. I shared a couple of painful stories in which I somehow mustered the courage to act in spite of my (enormous) fear and… Voila! My life changed. Of course, the endings aren’t always sunshine and roses when we choose to step forward into grow...

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Conquering Fear & Greatest Year Ever

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Fear Doors - Part III
#698

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Need to Walk Through One Today?

In our last couple +1s, we’ve been having a sobering and (hopefully) empowering time talking about and then walking through some Fear Doors. Today I want to share another personal story about a time I walked through a Fear Door. Get this. It was just the other day. And it...

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Conquering Fear & Modern Hērō

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Broken Monitors
#720

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Sometimes We Need to Ignore the Data

In our last +1 we talked about the fact that, as per legendary tough guy Vince Lombardi, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” Then we operationalized a super-simple antidote ...

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Conquering Anxiety & Sleep

conquering-anxiety emotional-stamina Fundamentals Happiness Mind self-awareness sleep

Pre-Wins
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Yoda’s Laws of Action: Part 1

I meet with my Yoda (Phil Stutz) on Mondays at 3:00 PM. I meet with our Optimize Coaches on Tuesdays at 9:00 AM. Not too long ago, that coaching session with Phil was the last thing I d...

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Masterpiece Days & Productivity

compound Discipline masterpiece-days Mind productivity

Stringing Pearls
#737

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Yoda’s Laws of Action: Part 2

In our last +1, we talked about Phil Stutz’ ideas on Pre-wins. I promised to share more of his wisdom on his “Laws of Action.” Today we’ll talk about a related idea. Something Phil calls “Stringing Pearls.”

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Confidence & Conquering Perfectionism

confidence conquering-perfectionism courage Growth Mind productivity

Bring It On! (Punching Bag Style)
#738

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Yoda’s Laws of Action: Part 3

In our last couple +1s, we’ve had fun chatting about a few of Phil Stutz’s Tools found in the Laws of Action aisle of our ever-expanding inventory of Tools we want to have ready at hand in our Optimizing Toolshed. We started with Pre...

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Antifragility & Confidence

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Grateful (Love) Flow
#739

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Yoda’s Laws of Action: Part 4

In our last few +1s we talked about a few Tools Phil Stutz encouraged me to consider employing as I prepared to launch our inaugural Optimize Coach program. Pre-wins. Stringing pearls. “Bring it on!” on a punching bag. I used ...

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Confidence & Hero Training

Coach confidence courage Gratitude hero-training Mental Toughness Mind Power

Whineysaurus Part X
#759

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Got a Name for That Whiney Guy/Gal Within?

Not too long ago, we talked about The Mystery of the Hairy Fingers. That +1 featured the prickly little guys that got lodged in Emerson’s hand after a little slip on the Trail and ended with us laughing about it all.

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Modern Hērō & Self-Image

Mental Toughness Mind mis-take modern-hero Needs Work optimus self-image

Want a Rose?
#837

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Respect the Thorn

The other day I got back from the Trail after my first Deep Work time block to check in for my time with the kids to give mommy a little time for some self-care and her own Deep Work before I got back at it. Emerson and Eleanor and I planned to go to the park. But Emerson was a little co...

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Antifragility & Confidence

antifragility confidence courage Grit Mental Toughness Mind Mindset

Counting Pearls vs. Stringing Pearls
#867

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Yoda Says: One’s Better Than the Other

Not too long ago, we spent some time with my Yoda (aka Phil Stutz) and he taught us the power of what he calls “stringing pearls.” (It was Part 2 in our Yoda’s Law of Action series. 🤓) As you may recall, the basic idea is...

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Conquering Anxiety & Creativity

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The Pearl in My Pocket
#888

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Irritant → Awesome

Not too long ago, we talked about How to Make a Pearl. As you may recall, an irritant gets inside an oyster’s shell. The oyster creates something called “nacre” that coats the irritant. Repeat THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS ...

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Antifragility & Confidence

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The Eternal Feast
#935

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Exoneration and Rejecting the Invitation

In our last +1, we talked about A World Without Heroes and the fact that “A hero sacrifices for the greater good. A hero is true to his or her conscience. In short, heroism means doing the right thing regardless of the consequences.” Then we challenged ourselves to choose THIS DAY ...

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Conquering Perfectionism & Modern Hērō

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Why Be Petulant…
#936

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When We Can Be Pearl Makers?

The other day Phil Stutz and I were rocking our Monday at 3:00pm Coaching session. It was session number 100-and-something. I filled up another few pages of notes to add to my inches-thick stack from the last 2.5+ years. The theme of that particular chat? Well… Uh… ...

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Conquering Anxiety & Willpower

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The Puzzle of Life
#1013

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And How to Build It

Emerson and I recently got into puzzles. We started with a 100-piece, little-kids’ puzzle of The World. 🌎 Then we went to a little-older-kids’ 100-piece puzzle featuring… Dinosaurs. 🦖 From there we rocked a 200-piece puzzle featuring Blackbeard’s Battle. (As you migh...

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Energy & Masterpiece Days

10000 Hours Body commitment Energy Fundamentals masterpiece-days

The Optimize Coach Diploma
#1014

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Want One? Come and Get It!

As you may have noticed (ahem and hah!), I’m super fired up about the launch of our 2020 Optimize Mastery Series and Optimize Coach certification programs. We’ve chatted a bit about the Mastery Series side of things—featuring the “Start here!” program that distills all the +1s and PNs...

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Modern Hērō & Self-Image

Actualization big-picture Coach Fundamentals modern-hero self-awareness self-image soul Spirit

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Barry Michels

Inspiring you to live life in forward motion

PhilosophersNotes on Barry Michels's Books All PhilosophersNotes

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